100 posts of n00bitude

Muffins (sorry Cath)! I noticed that this would be my 100th post, so rather than delivering my typical verbal diarrhea, I will use this opportunity to famewhore even more than usual. Mostly by talking about a lot of my past posts and going 'oh look how cute I was'.

figure 1: Accurate representation of Hermitage's devout followers

It is ironic and fitting that this milestone come after nearly completing my first year of graduate school (1 month and it's official!). When I first started I had a serious case of Impostor Syndrome (despite my prostrations) as my new SuperCool area of focus promptly whupped my butt. However, despite my apparently failing at life I made good impressions with Important Elder Monks and my snarkicism was graced by the Hot Finger of Isis. All and all, it seems I made a pretty good start in the n00bosphere and the blogosphere.

Then the rest of the n00b year students came flooding in and I was reminded I am and never will be the 'ideal candidate' one thinks of for graduate studies. I feel I should start expounding on this more in my posts because I feel the kids who 'scrapped in' despite shitty GPAs, GREs, etc disappear into the shadows like Science Ninjas, never to be seen or heard from again. Of course no one wants to keep reliving the fact they, indeed, sucked epically at undergrad, but it's good to never forget that there are others like us out there, struggling to justify to others and themselves that they are truly, good enough. For that reason alone I need to stand louder and prouder, flying the proverbial one-finger salute to all the fuckers who think because you didn't have a 4.0 and save starving babies in ThirdWorldstania that you are unworthy to pursue graduate studies.

I think I am more aware than most n00b PhD students that who you know can frequently outweigh people's initial impressions of you. Of course you still have to work your ass off. Which will many times go unnoticed or misappropriated. Many times you will have to interact with idiots and douchebags. And a lot of the time your shit just will not work. But of course then you get those days when everyone thinks you're wonderful and fart sunshine and you come back for more. And you must always, always network, eh I'm still working on that one.

Of course it helps if you pick up an entourage and an Archnemsis to listen to your spleen venting.

I applied for the holy grail of monies, convinced myself I'd never win, bitched about delayed notification, and then won, all in the same (academic) year. Drama! I also won myself a top google hit if the search terms 'nsf grfp wtf' are used. I'm pretty sure the Death Star and NSF will soon hunt me down and strip me of the award...shit!

I had fun flexing my cooking muscles, engaging in nerd wars and making kitschy New Year's Resolutions. Which I promptly broke by wallowing in self-pity approximately .00001 milliseconds after winning the most prestigious graduate fellowship in the country (compete with that beeches!). Oh well, practice makes perfect baby! All and all I think I've had a standard n00b year PhD student experience, a lot of frustration and a lot of fun.

When I started this blog I really hoped to show how an undergrad with a shitty gpa could go to graduate school and proceed to kick all asses. But what happened is that I showed a more balanced experience; Science kicking me in the Arsch, repeatedly, and my occasionally kicking it back. I've had a lot of fun and a crapton of depression, so hopefully others won't feel quite 'woe is me' when they see others like them, banging their heads against the wall in the name of Hot Science. Thanks for following the journey with me peoples, and I hope you continue to read for several more hundreds of posts, Flying Spaghetti Monster willing!

figure 2: Science is a cruel, cruel mistress