n00b musings on the lack of lady gamers

If you’ve ever gamed ever, at all, you’ve borne witness to the Eternal Argument. Do women fail to game because their ladybrains make them disinclined to, or is the community so unreceptive that women run screaming in the opposite direction? I come down firmly on the latter side. Let me superficially scratch the surface of this complex issue, while maximizing my SAT word usage to appear really qualified to discuss this matter.

One of the major hurdles a woman must overcome when making the awesomesauce decision to game, is dealing with Pirate Hookertude^TM. I remember, as a wee arcade n00bling, quickly discerning that my favorite game in the whole place was Soul Calibur, and my favorite player was Ivy Valentine. Her moveset was excellent at all ranges, her lore was freaking awesome, and she wore two pieces of dental floss as armor. When it was time for my Parental Units come to pick me up, I always made sure to switch over the Street Fighter box because Chun Li’s thunder thighs were much less likely to get me into a ‘3-a-day mass to cleanse your soul’ situation than Ivy.

Figure 1: Ivy Valentine, from the Soul Calibur series, has the best all around mechanics bar none (except in the Soul Calibur release that Shall Not be Named). So are her boob jiggle mechanics

However, Ivy was an exception, not the rule. I generally did not like to see my female character’s size FFFF boobs flopping like they were in zero G while taking on an opponent. I also did not enjoy my male friend’s commentary during such events, was generally along the lines of ‘oh yea baby, shake that ass’

This brings me to the second major hurdle for women when entering the gaming multiverse, dudebros. This is the gaming equivalent of ‘asking for it’ when you wear your required Catholic School Uniform and IRL dudebros ask you about preferred sex positions.

Dudebros almost universally bring down the gaming experience. They’re the ones that hardcore rage when anything fails to go their way, the ones that blow up your vent when they go and get themselves killed, and the ones that crow the loudest over their pathetic victories. They’re also the ones that will start starting salivating almost instantaneously upon hearing a female voice and will deluge her with unwanted skeevy attention. That or question her abilities if she plays anything other than a support class, and they are always confused if you’re playing for any other reason than to spend time with your husband/boyfriend.

The problem with dudebros is that you can almost never change their opinion. Dudebros are always right, their trite, misogynistic/racist/homophobic jokes are always funny, and if you disagree you’re a humorless bitch. You can argue all day about whether Dudebros comprise the majority, minority, or half of the male gaming population. But what they are is really fucking loud and insistent, to the point where they drown out everything else.

Figure 2: Faith, from Mirror’s Edge, (where you play in first-person view fyi) had the audacity to be flat chested and tough looking (left). Dudebros, of course, attempted to rectify this situation (right)

Attempts to point out issues with Dudebros is generally met with disdain from the rest of the populace. You’re a carebear, go play Hello Kitty Online, it’s just a joke get over it, comes the greek chorus. But it is serious, to the point where some gaming communities have become so incredibly toxic GMs have had to find new, creative, ways to banhammer people.

And heavens forbid if you ever ask to even an alternative to lower your Pirate Hookertude. For example, I’ve recently being trolling TERA’s (new MMO) message boards and was slapped in the face by the comic double standards at play. A man complained some male characters were too ‘scandalous’ because they wore open shirts, flashing abs, and tight pants. He was met with sympathy and other dudes saying they should have an option to cover up while playing that race. Another player made a similar thread complaining that the women's armor featured nonexistent boob coverage and open buttocks, was met by IT’S A FANTASY, LOL SLUTS ARE MY FANTASY I LOVE IT, IF THEY CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT IT I WILL QUIT THE GAME, hardcore Dudebro rage. At the other end of the spectrum, a major complaint in a developing MMO, Rift, is that there is no boob slider*, since the defaults titties were liek, way too small.

Figure 3: Asmodians in Aion, and Amani in TERA, both have claw feet. But just so you don’t get too squicked out, the females’ claws form a natural ‘high heel’ effect

The near complete unwillingness to acknowledge that women exist in the gaming community, and may have preferences in contrary to the Dudebro population, makes the ‘women don’t game’ prophesy self-fulfilling. It’s like those ‘haha you’re wife is a ballbusting harridan, nyuck nyuck’ commercials during the Superbowl. Except as a constant, neverending, background to the game itself.

I'm not saying there are no exceptions to my examples above, there are. And they serve as an inspiration to what the community could become. A place where men and women can choose whether they want to be Pirate Hookers or Heavily Armored Shieldmaidens, without any judgment being passed on either side.

The Boss from Metal Gear Solid and the female version of Commander Shepard in Mass Effect** are examples of women being total badasses with minimal fan service. I said minimal, not none, shit

* When you are customizing a character, it is not unusual to have a variety of ‘sliders’ where you can adjust character height, girth, limb length, etc. Most important to all of these is the boob slider, where you can make your lady’s bajungajungs so big even Ivy Valentine will feel small.

**Though Female Commander Shepard is badass, she is rarely used. In fact 4 out of 5 players prefer to play as the male version. Despite the fact Jennifer Hale’s rendition is near universally considered to be superior.